some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
