Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
