the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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