Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
