Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
