I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
