Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
