Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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