And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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