He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
