I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
