You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
