i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
