I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We're too hungover to prance.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
