i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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