I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
