I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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