i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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