If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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