Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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