Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
