96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
