that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
