I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
