we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
God I need to hump something, right now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
