vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
