I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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