Michael Bay diarrhea
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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