hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
