I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
