this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
