sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
