Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
