my mouth tastes like poor choices
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
