just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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