Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
