Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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