WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
