Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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