it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
