Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
