Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
