I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
