I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
