Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
