What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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