I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
