Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
