I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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