seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dicks are not precious.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
