Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
