so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
